Pill for Patience?

Is there a pill I can take that will give me patience? I know there are pills to make you not care about the little things. Antidepressants that make you say "Oh well" when things don't go as planned. I don't have depression, but maybe I could fake it if those little pills gave me some more patience.

Summer vacation is only in it's second week and I have had it with my kids. All they do when they are inside is fight, make a mess, complain about having to clean up, irritate each other, etc. One wants a toy that the other has and we have to negotiate. One has hit the other because she didn't get her way. One is in the other one's way and won't move. Nobody wants to watch the TV show that is appropriate for the baby. If I suggest that they go pick up a book and read, the reaction is like I have asked them to go scrub the cobwebs and bugs out of the garage windows. When they go outside they get bored if it is just them...they need friends to play with to keep them from fighting and getting bored. We have neighbors that come and play, and that is the only time I get peace! Unfortunately, it never lasts long enough.

They are driving me insane, and I am getting nothing done. I can't clean the bathroom, or finish the laundry or type an email without having to stop and correct someone or break up a fight or stop some sort of dangerous activity.

For the first few days it didn't get to me too much. It was just nice having everyone home and not having the hustle and bustle of the school year. But after two weeks of yelling, scolding and correcting every five minutes, ALL DAY LONG, it is wearing on my last nerve. If I hear, "Moooommmmyyyyy!" one more time I am going to scream. I have no patience for them now, for anything.

I love my kids dearly, but I either need a pill for some more patience or I need summer break to be over!!

My Beloved Dodger

Twelve and a half years ago, in January of 1996, a handsome little kitty was born. In March of that same year, my then fiancé and I adopted him from a guy I worked with who had found him on Reisterstown Road. My fiancé had said to me before I went to see the kitty for the first time, "Just don't bring home a white or an orange cat." He wore suits to work and was envisioning cat hair visible on those dark suits.

I saw the little boy and fell in love. He ran around in this guy's back yard with his dog and was just so sweet and so incredibly cute. I wanted him right away. I took him home immediately and introduced him to my fiancé. Needless to say, my fiancé was not happy. The little kitty was an orange and white tabby. But the two bonded instantly. I was jealous. This was supposed to be my cat! We named him Dodger, after one of the street urchins in a Disney movie, because he was pretty dirty after living on the streets.

Dodger was my fiancé’s cat through and through at first. Then one day, a couple of weeks after we had gotten him, he was napping on the edge of the couch in between us and he fell off, as kittens sometimes do. He shot a nasty look at my fiancé, blaming him, and from that day forward he was my boy. He slept with me, cuddled with me on the couch, and chased me to the door biting my ankles when I had to leave to go to work in the mornings. We lived in an apartment then, and when I came home from work, he would start meowing before I even made it to the door. I never knew what it was about the sound of me coming home that he recognized.

We got married and bought a house. This introduced Dodger to stairs for the first time. That was so funny. He refused to climb them initially. Eventually, he needed to be with us so he braved the stairs. After that, it was a favorite pastime to bound up or down them chasing something only he could see.

After we bought our house, we decided to start a family. I got pregnant right away. Dodger changed during my pregnancy. He became even more attached to me. He would lay along my growing belly and purr. Sometimes, the baby would kick and Dodger would lift his head and look at me, as if to say, "Hey, watch it. I am trying to sleep down here!"

We weren't sure how Dodger would react to having a baby in the house. He was used to being the only one! But after our son was born, our worries vanished immediately. On the day we brought our new baby home from the hospital, he was screaming and I was trying to figure out what was going on. I laid him on the changing table to see if changing his diaper would work. The baby was screaming his little head off. Dodger put his paws up on the changing table and started his own screaming. I think he was checking to make sure we weren't hurting the new little thing that had come to live in our house. Dodger changed from sleeping on our bed to sleeping under the crib. I think he wanted to keep a watchful eye on the baby.

Eight months after our baby was born, we had a visit with an allergist. He had had a life threatening allergic reaction to milk, necessitating the visit. She examined him and told us that the oozing rash he had all over his head was eczema. We had thought it was a bad case of cradle cap. She ran some tests and then came back to ask us a few questions. When we told her that we had a cat she nodded her head. She said that the kind of eczema that our son had on his head was typical for an allergic reaction to cat. She left the room again and my husband and I looked at each other. Could our beloved pet be causing this rash on our child’s head? When the doctor came back in, I asked her if we needed to get rid of our cat. She said yes, we should, for our son's health. We said okay, with tears in our eyes. She commended our response, saying that usually parent's were not willing to say goodbye to the family pet.

We drove home in silence. I was heartbroken. Dodger was my first baby. But I knew what I had to do for my son's health. I made up some flyers with a picture of him and all of his life stats. We posted them at my husband's office and where I used to work. We were very scared that we would have difficulty adopting him out because he was four years old. By some miracle our flyer found its way into the hands of a doctor at Johns Hopkins who was looking for a mature cat. She and her husband had had two cats and one had recently died. They wanted another cat to help soothe the one that was missing its playmate.

In May of 2000, Within days of putting out the flyers, we met Dodger's new mommy at the vet, after getting his check-up and all of his shots. She took him right then and there. I was so incredibly sad. I was going to miss my little buddy so terribly. But I had felt a connection with this woman right away. She was so lovely and obviously so caring. I knew that Dodger would be in good hands.

I cried for a month at the loss I felt. I kept looking down at my feet expecting him to be there. I would watch the door every time I came in or out, trying to make sure that the cat that did not live there anymore wouldn't get out. I missed him so much. But, I knew I had mad the right decision for my son.

The good doctor kept in touch and would send letters and pictures from time to time. Eventually, she and her husband moved to the west coast. They traveled cross country with their two cats. She still kept in touch, sending pictures and we exchanged cards at the holidays. I saw her own family grow and she mine through our correspondence. I always had a picture of him on my fridge and several of him around our house.

Last week she wrote me an email to let me know that Dodger was sick. Congestive heart failure and a cardiomiopathy the cardiologist had said. There wasn't much they could do. Some medication and hope. Today, she emailed me to let me know that Dodger had died. I could feel her sorrow, pain and loss through her words. She had been Dodger's mommy for twice as long as I had. She had given him such a good home. And he had loved her so. I was very touched that she had taken the time to let me know. That she understood that Dodger had taken a little piece of my heart when he left with her. I wrote her back, hoping she could find consolation in the fact that she had given him such a good home and that he had been so happy with her.

I am so very saddened. My beloved Dodger is gone. He will be so very missed by two families. He was that great of a cat.

Hazy Hot and Humid

It is like a sauna outside. But it isn't the lazy days of summer yet, just a heat wave. Today I have had one home sick from school and two who are extremely needy. After a busy, hot weekend, everyone is tired and grumpy. Most of all, Mommy! Especially after being up with a vomiting kid from 3:00am until 4:30am and again at 5:30am. The good news is: he didn't get sick again and as of 9 this morning was acting completely normal, wrestling with his sister on the couch.

The end of school is almost here. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.